Phew, the end of years insight.

So as I posted in my last blog I have been making jewelery. I must have made almost everyone I know something by now, and did I take any photos-NO!

Don't worry I will not be making that mistake again and all I can say is I will only get better!

So we survived Christmas!!! Really it wasn't so hard, since both the kids are little. Matthew only cared about toys he already had and Emma, well she just slept thru the whole thing.

My father in law plays Santa and decided to come with my mother in law up from So Cal again this year and played Santa for all the kids at the daycare. All the kids were beyond excited to see Santa. It was alot of fun!




My sweet little girl!



My little boy-typical boy!

Of course the long weekend like a wurlwind of going places, cooking, cleaning, and opening gifts.

Something else I blogged about before was my exploit into cooking. I have stubbled onto the greatest "insperational" website and it's chalked full of awesome, tasty reciepes. SO, I have been making, creamy sour cream enchiladas, stuffed mushrooms, dipping sauces, and anything I can get my hands on! It's been alot of fun, and um... DELISH!

Hoping that the New Year brings nothing but great things for us and everyone!!!

Jennifer
  

What do you mean it's almost Christmas...

Hello,

I can't believe it's already almost X-mas. It's so insane to me how the time flies. I have so many things going on right now, mostly importantly finding a new job.

I need to branch out. I would prefer to work from home, but who wouldn't. I have a few things I am working on that will hopefully get me where I want to go in the future.

Both the kids are in daycare now, and they are both doing so good. Matthew is walking and damn near running now. Emma is trying to sit up and laughing all the time.



Mommy and Matt

Mommy and Emma

I can't believe how fast them time flies when you have kids. Our pre-child life was so boring.. always the same thing never moving forward. Our post-child life-IS CRAZY. Sometimes we don't get a second to ourselves. Every spare second has to be planned and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love being a mom and I love my babies.
I have been getting back into crafting. Making jewelery. I made a beautiful red bracelet for myself they other day with some saved beads from a broken bracelet.

My new and imporved red bracelet made by yours truely!



I also made a bunch of crafts at X-mas with the kids, Hand turkeys and a Turkey for our door.



Family o' hand turkeys



Our family turkey



Now onto X-mas crafts. Phew am I tired! Stay tuned for more updates and pics of my jewelry making and crafts. Plus I am going to try my hand at cooking some delicious recipes I have been getting offline. Sould be interesting. Till next time...

Jennifer









I miss my friends, it's as simple as that!!

October was a great month. Well, so was Septemeber seeing as I gave birth to my daughter but back to October. October was a great month because my parents came to visit and so did BOTH of my BFF's.

Amy came to visit at the same time as my folks, and Ashley came a few weeks later. I forgot what it felt like to have friends so close. I mean, Yes-we talk on the phone almost every single day but having them both here was WAAAY better.

I love each of them in different ways:

Amy has been my friend since I was 15. We met freshman year of high school and never looked back. After high school-SHIT!- we tore it up.. we were just as badass as the bad boys we hung with. She is the friend who knows all my secrets.

15 Years old

17 years old

We have seen each other thru good times, bad times, and everything in between. We have our own lanugage so that we can talk to each other and know what they other is saying when we don't want anyone else to know. I feel so honored to call her my best friend especially after 19 years!

19 years old

29 years old

Now Ashley, is kinda a different story. It sounds bad to say but a mutual hatred of someone brought us together (long story). It isn't the glue that binds our relationship anymore and hasn't been for some time but it was definatly a stepping stone on our friendship "path", so to speak. See, Ashley is the wife of Justin, who has been my friend for about 15 years. He was 15 when I met him and was a groomsmen in mine and Paull's wedding. I had heard about her casually over the phone one night while talking to Justin about his love life. His exact quote was "Jen, I think I found-THE ONE". I officially got to meet Ashley in 2003 and we slowly started to become close.

2007 in Murrieta

After they were married and Ashley found out she was pregnant with their son Ethan, they asked me to be his godmother. Something I truely charish to this day. Once Ethan was born we started talking almost everyday and fast forward to now, she is one of two of my closest friends ever. I can go to her with anything and same for her and no matter what it is we-never-judge each other.

2009 in Seattle

It's nice to have a close friend with kids (she has 3) cause she understands all the ups and downs of day to day life with a child. She gives me advice and has talked me down on alot of occassions when I was pregnant and freaking out.

I wish both Amy and Ashley lived closer but I think if they did we would ALL be in alot of trouble. I am not sure my husband could handle it!!!!

1 Year old!!!

One year ago today, my life changed more than I could have ever expected it to. I gave birth (via c-section) to my beautiful son, Matthew James Leo.

I had been waiting so long to have a child and I had no idea how I was going to feel when he was born, but when I heard him cry for the first time-I cried along with him. I had never seen something so perfect in my life. When my husband held him to me I whispered in his ear how long I had waited for him and how much I already loved him. Then they wisked him away with his daddy to be cleaned up.

In the recovery room my husband wheeled him in to me in his little bassinet and all I could do is stare at him. I couldn't move the lower half of my body, and was shaking uncontrollably from the medication but I could look at him.

I could hardly wait to hold him so I willed my limbs to move so that I could go to my room and hold this beautiful little baby. He was so calm in his bassinett just staring right back at me and I just talked to him like I had done for the previous 9 months. He seemed to know my voice and just listened.

I finally got to hold my baby. I was totally exhausted from being in labor the night and day before but he was worth ever single second.

The last year has gone by so fast. From rolling over to crawling to eating food and finally walking, oh and adding a baby sister to the mix, Matthew has brought nothing but joy to the lives of myself and my husband. We watch him grow and thank one another for the amazing gift we gave to each other. We can't wait to see what the future brings and continue to watch our little boy grow up!

HOLY CRAP!

OMFG... It's way harder than I thought to raise two kids under the age of one. If Emma's not crying and needing my attention, then Matthew is. HOLY CRAP! Most days I don't get outta my PJ'S.. if I do it's just to shower. Emma is a screaming, which I figured since her first breath was a scream. HOLY CRAP! Matthew is trying to walk and is into everything.. litterally EVERYTHING.-Plants, kitchen cabinets, closets, the laundry room. He has to touch everything, the remote the volume for the TV, the stereo on button. HOLY CRAP!

..............................................but this.....................................this makes it all worth it.

They are the sweetest, most beautiful things I have ever seen in my whole life and I never, in a million years, believed I would be so blessed and that my heart could hold so much love for two people. For all the trips and tumbles Paull and I go thru in raising these two precious angels-looking into their faces and seeing a little piece of each of us or getting a smile and kiss makes everything worth it. HOLY CRAP... I love my kids!!

Jen

And then there were four.....

Can't remember the last time I wrote. I have prob. got only mins since Matthew has just crawled up to the desk and is messing with the mouse and of course his diaper reeks. AWH, the story of my life.. what with two kids under the age of 1.

So I better get to it, introducing my daughter Emma Charlotte Brielle:

Born Sept 16th 2011

I can't believe how pretty she is, but she is a total diva, and a total opposite of her brother who was laid back and went with the flow. She is sooo little too. She swims in most of her newborn outfits, Matthew wore newborn for one week, maybe.

Speaking of Matthew, Here is an updated pic of our big boy!

We barely got this pic.. he is ALL over the place crawling and trying to walk. He is finally starting to show some interest in his sister but it's really only to mock her, yes mock her. When she cries, he "fake" cries at her. Oh, to fast forward 10 more years to the fights they will have. I hope they don't but I have to be realistic. HAHA..

Well, I had better go-Matthew smelly ass diapers awaits me. Yippee.



Holy Mary, Mother of God....

Wow, haven't blogged in a while. Nothing like being up at 2:00 am on a Saturday to motivate you, right. (Insert eye roll here!)

Well, Well where to begin... let's see. SO much has been happening. My pregnancy is going very well. Little miss thing will be getting served her eviction papers on Sept. 16th. I swear it can not come fast enough. I want to see her and hold her. We have her nursery all completed, still looking for some odds and ends items but basically she is good on everything. The girl already has more clothes than I do-sad!

24-25 weeks mark

Her big brother is doing really great. Matthew started a new daycare in the middle of July and he loves it. After the second day there he started sleeping thru the night!! He eats like a piggy there and has started standing on his own and really wants to walk. It's an in home place and I LOVE the owner. She has three girls herself the youngest is only a few weeks old and she has two full time helpers. In addition to giving us a a nice break in the price she really cares about Matthew. They all love him and can't stop telling me what a good baby he is.  They have been encouraging all this development and he just moves all the time.. Crawling fast as lightening now.It's crazy. I am still hoping he will be walking by the time Emma is here but I am not going to hold my breathe. He will walk when he wants to. I mean he isn't even 10 months yet-I guess I need to be patient.

on the way to Ocean Shores, WA

Paull and I are doing wonderful, finances have been tough but oddly enough we work it out, with the help of somone above watching over us. I don't know how we are going to do it with two children but we made this life so we have to live it. I am so excited to be having another child. I told him the other day I think I would like to have just one more. NOT 11 months apart like Matthew and Emma will be but maybe down the road in a few years it would be nice to have another one. It's funny what having a child can do to your relationship. Ours has become so much stronger, in every aspect.. the loving, the communication.. and of course the arguing. HA. We have always been good at that-that and making up!! Paull is such an amazing dad. Matthew is so head over heels about his dad I am almost jealous. Now, Paull brags that he will soon have his daughter here too to love on and that I can't WAIT to see. She is already a little fighter I can tell. He will rub my belly and she will kick so he will nug back and she will fight him, via kicking the crap outta me. HAHA. I keep telling him, she is gonna be a handful.

at Oceans Shores, WA

We do have some bad news to report. After 9 1/2 wonderful years our beautiful dog, Cleo had to be put to sleep. Cleo had pyometra-an infection in her girl parts that was, according to the doctors very severe. They couldn't even tell us if she would make it out of surgery. The infection goes thru their system very rapidly and before we knew something was REALLY wrong we had waited to long to take her to the vet. It was the hardest decision I have ever-ever had to make. After hours of aggonizing over it Paull and I decided that euthanasia was our only option. Cleo was too sick to make it thru surgery in our opinion that was after consulting two different doctors. She had lost 3-5 pounds in a very short amount of time and was listless and weak. It would have taken a very strong dog to make it thru the surgery they were recommending, with no guarantee of survival. I miss her SO much. I have not been able to stop thinking of her or crying over her since this happened. I know her pain is over but ours has only just begun. I miss you my Tus-Bus.. forever!

<3 miss you baby!

So as to note end this blog on a sour, sad note. I am very happy to say that my girlfriends are coming to visit me soon. I think Amy will be here in Sept to help me with Emma after she comes home and Ashley is coming for Matthews first birthday. I can't wait!!! I am so excited to see my girls. I miss them. Talking on the phone everyday isn't enough anymore and with getting pregnant back to back as I did we haven't been able to go on our normal yearly vacation to Cali to visit anyone. My parents are also coming up this year the week before Matthew turns 1 to see everyone so basically I am getting spoiled!!

Well, I think that is about it for now. Maybe I can finally get my brain to shut down long enough to get some much needed rest. Stay tuned for more.. Love to all!

Jen

Time flies......

I can't believe how much this past year has really flown. When I was first pregnant with Matthew the first 20 weeks crept by at a snails pace. Once he was born though, it seemed in no time I was going back to work and then finding out I was expecting #2. We have decided to name this little girl Emma Charlotte Brielle Durbin.. and I can't even begin to say how the time has flown by with her. I was 20 weeks in the blink of an eye. I just went to the doctor yesterday and she is growing really well. She is in the 50% percentile like her brother and once I have my last appt in June I start going back every two weeks and I am amazed we are "here" already.


I haven't even started on her room yet. I don't know how we are going to fit two kids AND all their crap in this house with all of our crap. LOL. I also can't believe that in 3 1/2 months I will once again be going in to get sliced and diced and have another kid. Lord, what am I going to do with two??? MR. Matthew is a hand full all by himself. I told Paull that these two kids are definatly some cement in our relationship cause they have certainly tied us together in a whole new way, more than our love or even marriage has tied us together.

It's gonna be so different adding another baby to the mix but it feels so right, like we will finally be complete. I just can't believe that I am dumb enough to punish myself with yet ANOTHER summer-PREGNANT.

YIKES!!! ;)

Reflecting..

Wow, things have been so insanely busy lately. Working, being pregnant and working :) and taking care of a very active 7 month old isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I guess nothing ever is though. So far, after a few bumps in the road this new pregnancy has turned out to be pretty typical for being pregnant with a girl. I am a firm believer that being pregnant with a girl and a boy is 100% different. I have never been more excited though. When I imagined myself pregnant for all these years I always thought I would have a girl first. I was really happy to have Matthew first-to give my husband a boy and he is definatly the light of our lives but now that we know we are having a girl I feel-complete. Like our family is complete.

Matthew is a typical 7 month old, I suppose. He is trying to crawl although he is only at the stage I like to call "humping the air" his primary source of movement is rolling every where. It's hysterical.

He is now in 9-12 month old clothes! I can't even believe it and he is a really good eater. He loves everything. We recently gave him air puff snacks and of course he loves those too.

I can't wait to meet my baby girl!! We have decided to call her Emma. The name just came to me and if feels right. We kicked around a few boy names but they all felt wrong so I pretty much KNEW I was having a girl.

When we went to the doctors office for our ultrasound I have never been more nervous.. not even when I was PG with Matthew. She measured every possible thing she could before asking us what WE thought it was a few times during the session my heart jumped into my throat thinking it was a boy but then when she paused the machine I KNEW!! Right there in black and white were little girl parts. I was over the moon. Paull... Paull was so nervous. It was pretty funny.

I can't wait to buy pink things and decorate her room. I am so excited for her and Matthew to be siblings and friends and for her to wrap us all around her little finger. So, heres to having a successful rest of my pregnancy!!! I can't wait!!!

Jennifer

The breath I breathe..

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to see my phone screen illuminated with a text message. I read it and was immediatly heartbroken. A friend of my sisters lost one of her twin infant sons yesterday. I instantly ran my hand over my growing belly and said a prayer for their family and for mine. I rolled over and shinned the light on my sleeping son's head and listened to the soft sound of his breathing and said a Thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to be a mother.

Getting pregnant was never easy for me, then once it was, keeping the pregnancy was the difficult part. I have been pregnant 4 times, including now. I have lost two babies to this body of mine, for whatever reason. I can't even begin to tell you the pain associated with losing a pregnancy. Having successfully given birth to Matthew, nearly 6 months ago only makes to thought of it happening again that much more painful. To know the joy of having a child, growing it and feeling it move and kick inside of you. The first time you see the child smile, hear their cry, soothe their pain. It's amazing.

This last week we had another scare with this pregnancy. Thank the powers that be that it was nothing that antibiotics can't help to cure, it was still so scary.

All in all nothing is really new with us. Just plugging away as we await the new baby and the early milestones of our little boy. Praying everyday that all goes well for us and that everything will be ok with this new little one. Oh, we find out on 5/5/11 if it's a sitter or a stander!!!! Can't wait!

Tick, tick, tick

So Far, life is just plugging away lately. Nothing real new is up in the Durbin household. The new baby is growing fast and I haven't had another episode of bleeding. (None red, at least) Doctor says that is good. Got to see the baby wiggling at my last appointment. I don't go in for another 4 weeks so, we will just have to hold on and believe everything will be ok.

Mr. Matthew is growing like a stinkin' weed. He is eating baby food finally. He pretty much loves anything we put in his face. He hasn't tried any veggies yet but we are just getting the "food thing" into a routine.

This friday, Paull and I, will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. 11 Years. I can't believe it's been 11 years. Sometimes it seems longer sometimes shorter. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without my soul mate. I love him so much.

Life is hopefully getting back to normal for us we had a bit of strange luck for the past few weeks but like everything in life we make an adjustment. Wish us luck! <3

Jennifer

On the Corner of Loss and Heartbreak...

Paull and I had our viability ultrasound last week and we got to see the heartbeat. Doctors says it is a good strong one, so why did I come home last night and start to bleed? At first I thought, here we go again-another miscarriage. I have had two before I got pregnant with Matthew. The blood was heavy and RED. My husband called right as I sat on the toilet when I "got the urge" that something was wrong. He rushed right home to help take care of the baby so I could lay down. I laid down with the baby for a nap for about an hour. When I woke up Paull was on the computer and said " I have been doing some research online and I think you should read what I have found."


First I thought to myself, is this what a husband who has been thru many a miscarriage with his wife does while she bears the pain and shame in silence? My second thought was, how sweet it was that he was trying to stay positve, if you know Paull you know that he is not the most positive person. So, as the night wore on, I started to notice that there wasn't any clots or tissue like before. By the morning, I secretly hoped maybe it wasn't a miscarriage but something else. When I woke up at 4 am while Paull was feeding the baby I went to the bathroom and I was still bleeding, but not as much. When I got up at 6:45 there was no red blood, only light brown. So I walked on eggs shells all morning, until I could get into the doctor. Finally, I was on the table waiting for the doc to come in. She came in and looked grave but the wand went in and she said "UM, well-baby is still in there, and we still have a good strong heartbeat, but what I do see is some blood behind your placenta." WTF does that mean?!?! I had a friend who had had that when she was pregnant with her son but I had no real clue what it was. Apparently I have a pocket of blood behind my placenta. It might correct itself, it may not.

She said she couldn't give me any guarantees but did put me on "rest" for the next few days. We are really hoping this fixes itself otherwise we might be headed down an all too well road traveled for us... and for too many we know.

Jennifer

Mama's Boy...

I just spent the last hour and a half laying on the couch with Matthew. Paull went to lay him down for nap time and like usual, Matthew knows how to push Paull's buttons and started to fuss and cry. Paull comes out with Matthew all swaddled and says "he doesn't want to lay in his bed" usually I would get up and go put him in bed cause he knows Mommy doesn't fall for his b.s. but I needed the cuddle just as much as he did. He almost instantly fell asleep on me while Daddy rubbed my feet ( I am SO lucky-esp. when I am pg, Paull is the best husband-EVER!).

Chillin'

in his walker

Matthew is trying so hard to sit up by himself. He just mastered rolling over from his tummy to his back. We are thinking we should get him a Bumbo chair. I can't believe how independent he is. He wants to sit up and walk he is growing up so fast, it kind of freaks me out. I have my viability ultrasound this week and I am kinda freaked out, not sure why-I am sure I felt the same when I was pg with Matthew. Hoping everything is ok, and that it's a girl ;)

Jennifer

And time keeps on tickin'.. tickin'.. tickin'.. into the future!

It's been crazy the past few weeks, settling into the work routine, watching our little boy grow and develop and dealing with another pregnancy.WOW! We thought last year few by while I was pregnant with Matthew. I can't imagine what this year is gonna be like, being pregnant AND rasing a child in his first year of life. Is it September already??

Matthew is getting to be so independent, he like to sit straight up supported by pillows or while being held and he LOVES to stand up. We bought him a walker and he loves it, he likes the freedom of standing without us having to hold him. He's eating a little bit of rice cereal now, and he seems to like it. I don't like to give him alot in his bottle but he wants he gets it you can't even take it away to burp him without him screaming at you.

As far as the new baby not much on that front, I have an ultrasound in two weeks, and for some reason I am really nervous about it but totally relaxed about being pregnant. It's kind of weird not to be announcing to everyone that we are pregnant, we will in good time. I am sure everyone will be pretty shocked since Matthew is still so little. I truely believe that if it was meant to happen it will happen and we didn't do anything to "help" ourselves get pregnant this time and it happened so I think we were meant to go on this adventure together.

Well, stay tuned for more in a while.   Jennifer

Surprise..........

So last weekend, I am sitting around talking to a girlfriend on the phone and I happen to look at the date and something inside me starts SCREAMING. I calmly tell her to hold on as I do some quick math in my head. Then, not believing my math skills I get online and look it up. Well, what I discover is that I am three days-LATE.

OMG, OMG is all I can think I already KNOW the answer to the question my head is asking my body, I don't know how I know, but I know.

My next thought is: How am I going to tell my Paull? I don't have any grace in these situations so I blurt it out the second he gets home. "I think I am pregant.. I am three days late" He doesn't really say much except he does agree we should get a test to be sure.

To make a long story short. ( TOO LATE) This is what we found out the next day.

So, needless to say we were a bit shocked but overall, we feel really blessed. We love our son and we love kids and we always wanted more so this is just sooner than we expected. We have decided not to tell alot of people just yet only because we want to wait till I am furthur along. I should be almost 5 weeks now.I have already had my progesterone levels check and just like with my other pregnancies it's low. So I started Prometrium to help the growing bean-grow. I have my first OB appt on 1/26. Fingers crosses my doctor doesn't bitch slap me for getting pregnant so soon after having my son.

YIKES..

Jen

I wish I was a poet...

If I was a poet I could compose some flowery, emotion filled poetic masterpiece to describe how I am feeling. But, alas NOT EVEN CLOSE-BUD.

SO here is goes anyways: I am feeling really smushy today. I was thinking as I sat in my livingroom holding my whining, spit up covered son that there was NOTHING in this world- I would rather be doing. I could have sat there for eternity holding him and smelling him, even covered in spit up and baby sweat.


His cubby fingers in his mouth drooling, or the look of accomplishment he gets on his face when I help him stand on his own. He thinks that is cool! He looks so determind, like he is really doing it on his own and how proud of himself he is.












I recently showed or taught I guess you could say, him how to stick out your tongue.. HA HA.. much to the chagrin of my husband.. WHAT.. it's cute!

 


Honestly, I didn't ever think I would feel like this, like SO attached to someone. Most of my life taught me to only depend on yourself so, I have always valued myself above all others, including my husband ( don't get the wrong idea-I love him but.. myself a tad bit more). Well that was all blown to shit when Matthew came along. At first my mind had a hard time adjusting to the idea that after so many years of hoping and trying I was finally somebodies mother. Let me say that again... I was someone's MOM! Freaky! I have always been-Auntie and for a time I was content with that but then I got pregnant and my world flipped upside down and inside out on it's self.  Slowly as time has ticked on and I have gotten to know my little guy, his quirks, attitude, and sense of humor I have fallen for him-hook, line and stinker. ;)

Seriouly, Look at him. Paull and I ask ourselves nearly everyday how the hell we made such a beautiful child. It makes me want to have more just to see how beautiful they would be too.

I never dreamed or imagined that I would love someone so much. This is everything in the world I ever wanted for myself. Every childhood fantasy come true. I am MOM.

2011... So I guess I'll try blogging?!?!?

Greetings,

A friend of mine suggested I start blogging- SO, here it goes.

2010 was an amazing year for me and my family. Paull (the hubbie) and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary but not before we found out that after 10 years respectivly, we were in the family way! I knew 2010 was gonna be our year when in 2009, at Christmas I made a vow to myself to stop at nothing in the coming year to get pregnant. Well, I'm be damned-IT WORKED.

February 2010

The months ticked by as they always do, milestone after milstone we hit. Viablity-Check, Heartbeat-Check, Penis-CHECK ...etc. (We found out at 20+ weeks it was a boy!) We decided to name him Matthew James Leo, cause Skeletor Durbin didn't quite have a ring to it. (j/k) Matthew for gift from God, James after the hubbie and his dad and Leo after my dad.

7 weeks                                                             

20 weeks 3 days













So, as I said the year dragged on but finally on October 20 2010 after being in labor for over 24 hours Matthew was delivered via c-section and came in weighing 8lbs 12 oz and 21 inches long.

Just born. Gotta love that face!

Proud Papa!

Love at first sight!

So now here we are in 2011 and my twelve weeks of maternity are up and I am not a happy girl. I get sick everytime I think about leaving him. We have a very nice babysitter but it still pisses me off that I didn't try harder thoughout the year to figure out a way to stay home with my precious cargo. SO, I sit here day after day-in turmoil loving the days I have left with my son but dreading them cause I know they are numbered and soon I will be returning to work. Sometimes, I am SUPER sad, other times PISSED. I feel like I am going thru the cycles of grief, only never gettting to the acceptance part. I am hoping this blog will help. Guess only time will tell.


Till next time..