SO here is goes anyways: I am feeling really smushy today. I was thinking as I sat in my livingroom holding my whining, spit up covered son that there was NOTHING in this world- I would rather be doing. I could have sat there for eternity holding him and smelling him, even covered in spit up and baby sweat.
His cubby fingers in his mouth drooling, or the look of accomplishment he gets on his face when I help him stand on his own. He thinks that is cool! He looks so determind, like he is really doing it on his own and how proud of himself he is.
I recently showed or taught I guess you could say, him how to stick out your tongue.. HA HA.. much to the chagrin of my husband.. WHAT.. it's cute!
Honestly, I didn't ever think I would feel like this, like SO attached to someone. Most of my life taught me to only depend on yourself so, I have always valued myself above all others, including my husband ( don't get the wrong idea-I love him but.. myself a tad bit more). Well that was all blown to shit when Matthew came along. At first my mind had a hard time adjusting to the idea that after so many years of hoping and trying I was finally somebodies mother. Let me say that again... I was someone's MOM! Freaky! I have always been-Auntie and for a time I was content with that but then I got pregnant and my world flipped upside down and inside out on it's self. Slowly as time has ticked on and I have gotten to know my little guy, his quirks, attitude, and sense of humor I have fallen for him-hook, line and stinker. ;)
Seriouly, Look at him. Paull and I ask ourselves nearly everyday how the hell we made such a beautiful child. It makes me want to have more just to see how beautiful they would be too.
I never dreamed or imagined that I would love someone so much. This is everything in the world I ever wanted for myself. Every childhood fantasy come true. I am MOM.