Reflecting..

Wow, things have been so insanely busy lately. Working, being pregnant and working :) and taking care of a very active 7 month old isn't as easy as I thought it would be. I guess nothing ever is though. So far, after a few bumps in the road this new pregnancy has turned out to be pretty typical for being pregnant with a girl. I am a firm believer that being pregnant with a girl and a boy is 100% different. I have never been more excited though. When I imagined myself pregnant for all these years I always thought I would have a girl first. I was really happy to have Matthew first-to give my husband a boy and he is definatly the light of our lives but now that we know we are having a girl I feel-complete. Like our family is complete.

Matthew is a typical 7 month old, I suppose. He is trying to crawl although he is only at the stage I like to call "humping the air" his primary source of movement is rolling every where. It's hysterical.

He is now in 9-12 month old clothes! I can't even believe it and he is a really good eater. He loves everything. We recently gave him air puff snacks and of course he loves those too.

I can't wait to meet my baby girl!! We have decided to call her Emma. The name just came to me and if feels right. We kicked around a few boy names but they all felt wrong so I pretty much KNEW I was having a girl.

When we went to the doctors office for our ultrasound I have never been more nervous.. not even when I was PG with Matthew. She measured every possible thing she could before asking us what WE thought it was a few times during the session my heart jumped into my throat thinking it was a boy but then when she paused the machine I KNEW!! Right there in black and white were little girl parts. I was over the moon. Paull... Paull was so nervous. It was pretty funny.

I can't wait to buy pink things and decorate her room. I am so excited for her and Matthew to be siblings and friends and for her to wrap us all around her little finger. So, heres to having a successful rest of my pregnancy!!! I can't wait!!!

Jennifer

The breath I breathe..

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to see my phone screen illuminated with a text message. I read it and was immediatly heartbroken. A friend of my sisters lost one of her twin infant sons yesterday. I instantly ran my hand over my growing belly and said a prayer for their family and for mine. I rolled over and shinned the light on my sleeping son's head and listened to the soft sound of his breathing and said a Thank you to the powers that be for allowing me to be a mother.

Getting pregnant was never easy for me, then once it was, keeping the pregnancy was the difficult part. I have been pregnant 4 times, including now. I have lost two babies to this body of mine, for whatever reason. I can't even begin to tell you the pain associated with losing a pregnancy. Having successfully given birth to Matthew, nearly 6 months ago only makes to thought of it happening again that much more painful. To know the joy of having a child, growing it and feeling it move and kick inside of you. The first time you see the child smile, hear their cry, soothe their pain. It's amazing.

This last week we had another scare with this pregnancy. Thank the powers that be that it was nothing that antibiotics can't help to cure, it was still so scary.

All in all nothing is really new with us. Just plugging away as we await the new baby and the early milestones of our little boy. Praying everyday that all goes well for us and that everything will be ok with this new little one. Oh, we find out on 5/5/11 if it's a sitter or a stander!!!! Can't wait!

Tick, tick, tick

So Far, life is just plugging away lately. Nothing real new is up in the Durbin household. The new baby is growing fast and I haven't had another episode of bleeding. (None red, at least) Doctor says that is good. Got to see the baby wiggling at my last appointment. I don't go in for another 4 weeks so, we will just have to hold on and believe everything will be ok.

Mr. Matthew is growing like a stinkin' weed. He is eating baby food finally. He pretty much loves anything we put in his face. He hasn't tried any veggies yet but we are just getting the "food thing" into a routine.

This friday, Paull and I, will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. 11 Years. I can't believe it's been 11 years. Sometimes it seems longer sometimes shorter. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without my soul mate. I love him so much.

Life is hopefully getting back to normal for us we had a bit of strange luck for the past few weeks but like everything in life we make an adjustment. Wish us luck! <3

Jennifer

On the Corner of Loss and Heartbreak...

Paull and I had our viability ultrasound last week and we got to see the heartbeat. Doctors says it is a good strong one, so why did I come home last night and start to bleed? At first I thought, here we go again-another miscarriage. I have had two before I got pregnant with Matthew. The blood was heavy and RED. My husband called right as I sat on the toilet when I "got the urge" that something was wrong. He rushed right home to help take care of the baby so I could lay down. I laid down with the baby for a nap for about an hour. When I woke up Paull was on the computer and said " I have been doing some research online and I think you should read what I have found."


First I thought to myself, is this what a husband who has been thru many a miscarriage with his wife does while she bears the pain and shame in silence? My second thought was, how sweet it was that he was trying to stay positve, if you know Paull you know that he is not the most positive person. So, as the night wore on, I started to notice that there wasn't any clots or tissue like before. By the morning, I secretly hoped maybe it wasn't a miscarriage but something else. When I woke up at 4 am while Paull was feeding the baby I went to the bathroom and I was still bleeding, but not as much. When I got up at 6:45 there was no red blood, only light brown. So I walked on eggs shells all morning, until I could get into the doctor. Finally, I was on the table waiting for the doc to come in. She came in and looked grave but the wand went in and she said "UM, well-baby is still in there, and we still have a good strong heartbeat, but what I do see is some blood behind your placenta." WTF does that mean?!?! I had a friend who had had that when she was pregnant with her son but I had no real clue what it was. Apparently I have a pocket of blood behind my placenta. It might correct itself, it may not.

She said she couldn't give me any guarantees but did put me on "rest" for the next few days. We are really hoping this fixes itself otherwise we might be headed down an all too well road traveled for us... and for too many we know.

Jennifer

Mama's Boy...

I just spent the last hour and a half laying on the couch with Matthew. Paull went to lay him down for nap time and like usual, Matthew knows how to push Paull's buttons and started to fuss and cry. Paull comes out with Matthew all swaddled and says "he doesn't want to lay in his bed" usually I would get up and go put him in bed cause he knows Mommy doesn't fall for his b.s. but I needed the cuddle just as much as he did. He almost instantly fell asleep on me while Daddy rubbed my feet ( I am SO lucky-esp. when I am pg, Paull is the best husband-EVER!).

Chillin'

in his walker

Matthew is trying so hard to sit up by himself. He just mastered rolling over from his tummy to his back. We are thinking we should get him a Bumbo chair. I can't believe how independent he is. He wants to sit up and walk he is growing up so fast, it kind of freaks me out. I have my viability ultrasound this week and I am kinda freaked out, not sure why-I am sure I felt the same when I was pg with Matthew. Hoping everything is ok, and that it's a girl ;)

Jennifer